Post 210: Happy New Year

‘Either write something worth reading,…. or do something worth writing’. Benjamin Franklin

It should have been easy,….. the book was simply an account of the journey and within the Blog and Diary, many of the chapters were already written. It would take me six weeks: 5,000 words per day plus two weeks for the editing. Things would get in the way; commitments, distractions etc., but even taking account of my penchant for extreme laziness, by the middle of January 2009 the book would definately be finished. People who ‘know’, people who’ve actually written and published words that are worth reading told me differently, they smiled and kindly informed me that if it was going to be worth reading, it would take me much longer,…. but I ignored them.

The taste of Humble Pie is not as bad as I‘d expected, and as I’ll be feasting on it for quite some time, that’s probably a very good thing. It actually took me four weeks to find a ‘Beginning’, and then another week to write it. The beginning wasn’t where I’d expected it to be,….. I just kept working backwards until I found the only logical starting point.

The starting point wasn’t found on the Blog, or even in my Diary, it was finally found in an old suitcase that had thankfully been stored far away from my old apartment. Had that suitcase been lost in the fire, ….. then the real story of Poor Circulation would have remained untold. It’s not that I wouldn’t have written it, it’s more that I ’couldn’t’ have written it. The suitcase had originally been found in the attic of my Mum’s home and in it I’ve discovered a history that I was only ever partially aware of. On examining the contents for the first time, I felt like an observer to my life on a television program,…. ’Who do you think you are?’

Things fell into place, each discovery helped to make sense of the following chapter,……. and I’m now almost half way through the writing stage. It’s not at all like the Blog which was written as and when things happened, it’s much more ‘connected’ and hopefully contains far fewer mistakes and a lot more detail. I haven’t tried to make it intentionally funny,…. it just comes out that way. With the amazing benefit of hindsight, I can see the effect that each decision actually had, and the probable consequences had alternative directions been taken.

Poor Circulation began as: 20,000 Miles, 20 Countries, 20 Weeks and £20 per day. Everything then inflated by 40% and became: 28,000 Miles, 28 Countries, 28 Weeks and £28 per day. The time taken for the writing has escalated in the same way,…… but I have a plan to speed things along. At increased risk to the environment, I’ve begun burning the midnight oil and hopefully that will hasten the completion. To prevent myself from lapsing into idleness, if I fail to meet my own deadlines, I’ll email extracts of the book to people on the ’Poor Circulation’ e-mailing list. Thus,….. If I don’t extract my finger and get the bloody thing finished, most people will already have read it. I’ve arranged a couple of ’Speaking Engagements’ in Spring - clearly with people who don’t know me - where hopefully I might sell a few copies of the book and the DVD,…. and hopefully achieve my charitable target with the proceeds. If every body has already read it, … that isn’t going to happen, so I‘ve now got the incentive to finish it quickly. Besides,…… I can’t begin any further adventures until this one is finished,…. or paid for.

Regarding my plans for 2009, I’d like to thank the boys on ’Top Gear’ for this week giving you an insight into the next Poor Circulation adventure. I’d reached the same conclusion regarding the only viable mode of transport for SE Asia, but I’ll actually be buying & selling my ‘Bikes’ at each border. I’ll be working (lazily) with a major charity to try and raise money and awareness for the housing, protection and education of homeless children in the region. My love of SE Asia is no secret and the poignancy of charitable choice will become clear, but scratching beneath the surface when researching the possible plight of some of these kids,…… has been both heart wrenching and stomach churning. Things happen to vulnerable young people in this world that I will never even begin to understand, I can’t do a great deal to change that, I can’t make a big difference,….. but having now seen such things, I’ll sleep an awful lot better for having at least tried.

The only other news is quite selfish and minor. I had a meeting at the Ace Café on 23rd December. A new magazine will be hitting the shelves of newsagents (assuming any are still in business) in April 2009, and I‘ve been asked to help them on a free-lance basis. It means that I’ll have to ride a variety of new bikes provided free of charge by manufacturers, put them through their paces and then document my experiences. It’s not the best job in the world,…… but it’s got to come bloody close.

Happy New Year

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 209: The Names

In response to the previous post, the photographs below show the rest of the names carried with me on the bike, .... I just hope that I haven't missed anybody. Many thanks to all who have donated to St Teresa's Hospice, .. and Happy Christmas. Geoff

(Names added since pictures posted: Richard & Jill Shuker, Christine & Ron, Irene Cooper,... thank you for your generosity)

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 208: Statistics, Lies and Waiting Lists

'We have just 24 hours in which to save the NHS', .... he was 'Flash' and his sidekick was 'Gordon'. The year was 1997 and the dynamic Rt Honourable Gentleman for Sedgfield was hailed as the saviour of a Nation that was allegedly sinking without trace, .... it seems like only yesterday.

Nil by mouth for 14 hours and resplendent in my rear-entry gown, the consultant prodded, poked, humm'd and harrr'd before finally declaring that I had a hernia which required a surgical procedure, ...... No sh*t Einstein!!!!

With a sense of relief similar to that experienced when reaching the seemingly furthest motorway service station with the fullest of bladders, I'd arrived at the hospital expecting my torturous condition to be entering it's final day, .... but just how wrong could I have been? Looking back over the paperwork with the benefit of hindsight, I'd clearly been presumptuous in thinking that I was actually entering hospital for the condition to be rectified. However, when my own GP had diagnosed the problem and referred me to the hospital, with the explicit instructions of 'Nil by Mouth' for 14 hours before hand, .... I'd expected far more than a second opinion on a fact that was to the naked eye of a blind-man, quite bloody obvious. I've now been placed on a new waiting list for the operation, so instead of having one lengthy waiting list, which looks bad on statistical statements, there are now two slightly shorter lists, ...... target achieved.

On the bright side, it gives me three free days in which to catch up on writing the book, ... which at the moment seems to be moving one chapter forward and two chapters back (Not entirely unlike the journey itself really). I've also managed to catch up on some basic 'Admin', hence the photograph above. 'Mike' (London Biker) asked me where his name appeared on the bike, ... and for the past month I've been promising to send him a photograph. Well, at last here it is, .... the 'Biker' part of the script has clearly been warn away; not unlike my patience with the NHS, ..... but to all of those who have donated to St Teresa's Hospice, ... Thank You.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 207: Back to Blighty

In the words of Sir David Frost, 'It was just like deja vous, ..... all over again'. I watched the departure boards at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport as they began to flicker, the text was alternating between Thai and English making the information difficult to digest at one sitting. One by one, the flights were slowly changing from 'on time', ..... to 'delayed', ..... and then to 'cancelled'. A pattern was beginning to develop; Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong, Taipei, ..... all of the flights heading to or from the South-East, a cyclone was moving in, .... I was once again going to be stranded in an airport of terminal chaos.

I'd been on stand-by for the previous evenings flight but unfortunately I hadn't been lucky, the plane had been full. I was now confirmed on the 20:15 departure to Abu Dhabi, my return to London exactly one week later than planned. My flight EY401 changed from 'on time' to 'delayed', ... and remained there for the next hour. I'd already checked in and had spent an unrewarding hour talking with the English couple that I'd first met back in Khon Kaen, ..... yes, the same couple that I'd been avoiding, they were still complaining, ... my day was just getting better and better. The departure time of my flight then began to change, a 45 minute delay, ... became a 60 minute delay, ..... became a 90 minute delay. This meant that I'd probably miss my connecting flight onwards to London, ... but at least my first leg wasn't yet 'cancelled'.

How they did it I have no idea, but my flight eventually left Bangkok 90 minutes late and arrived in Abu Dhabi within 10 minutes of my onwards connection leaving, ... we'd made up nearly 30 minutes in the air. I was ushered through passages and straight onto the London flight, ... it was empty, .... four seats on which to spread out and sleep, ... seven hours in which to dream of the separate adventure that my baggage would no doubt be enjoying. I awoke on the decent into Heathrow, I cleared immigration without even joining a queue, I picked the first suitcase from the baggage carousel (which thankfully happened to be my own) and walked outside into London's morning air. Heathrow Terminal 3, ... what a welcome to Britain, .. knock it down and improve the experience, it's an absolute embarrassment, ........ and of course it was bloody freezing.

As I arrived at the Jack Lilley Triumph dealership in Ashford Common, they were still clearing up from the previous evening's Christmas party, ..... but the Tiger was ready. I'd asked them for a service, ... and 'Service' is exactly what they'd given me. They'd been over the bike with a fine tooth-comb and rectified problems that were far beyond their responsibility, ... even finding problems that I hadn't myself noticed. Without charge, they'd replaced the ill fitting rear tyre that had been put on back in New York and pressed out the huge dent on the alloy rim. I don't believe that I was treated differently to any other customer, .... but Jack Lilley is a family concern and this is how they do business. I can now understand why they receive such great accolades each year in the annual 'Ride Survey', ...... this is 'Service' the way that it should be.

As I headed out onto the A308 and M25, the difference in the bike was quite startling. The engine pulled exactly as it had done when new, the brakes worked perfectly and the suspension now informed me of the road conditions without the usual nausea inducing echo. All of the fluids on the bike had been changed, seven new shims now ensured the smooth and accurate movement of the twelve valves and behind me, ..... not a single trace of burning oil. The Tiger felt like a completely different motorcycle, ...... it felt like it had indeed been bathed for two weeks in snake oil.

As for the success of the actual 'Trip', ..... well things didn't turn out quite as I'd planned. I've learned all that I need to know (for now) about the logistics of travelling into, through and out of the necessary countries, I've been introduced to the charity that I'd hope to support and I've even decided upon the most suitable bike on which to do it. I've met Bikers in Thailand who have followed Poor Circulation and they've introduced me to colleagues in Laos and Cambodia, ... this is support that could prove to be crucial. Unfortunately, when a shoestring tour of SE Asia takes place, the trusty Tiger will not be involved. Logistically it just wont work; too expensive, too complicated and too many restrictive regulations in the countries bordering Thailand.

At the moment, SE Asia remains a 'Plan' that I'll hopefully execute in the not too distant future, .... it's simply a question of time and money. The organisations that had initially shown signs of interest and possible financial support are sadly now far more concerned with their own survival than they are of the future escapades of an eccentric Englishman in Asia. In truth, I could have accomplished most of these things by simply staying in Blighty and making full use of the telephone and Internet, ... but what fun would that have been? I'd have spent the time kicking my heels, writing a few more chapters of the book and waiting for my operation on the 18th of December. Whilst Despatch Riding should be on every bikers list of things to do before they die, ... doing it with an angry hernia should not be.

I'll spend the next couple of weeks writing the book and reading the small print of my travel insurance policy. The way in which my initial last-minute flights were arranged and paid for means that the delay in reaching Thailand could actually be a financial blessing in disguise, ..... so without prejudice to any claim that I may make, ..... I'll keep you posted.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 206: Returning Bangkok, Thailand

It’s fair to say that I’d been quite nervous about my ‘date’, …….. but in truth I needn’t have been so anxious. During my embarrassingly long absence from all things romantic, either times have changed quite dramatically, ……. or my ability to misread situations has remained unerringly constant. Resplendent in my new shirt, the evening was actually spent in a large pick-up truck delivering and arranging flowers at various schools and colleges in preparation for the King’s 81st birthday celebrations. It was a great night, meeting lots of new people, …. being bumped and bruised along unmade rural roads, returning to my room long after midnight and smelling like my grandmothers wardrobe, …… highly recommended and much more memorable than ‘dates‘ as I remember them.

One major danger in getting cocky whilst trying to impress people by speaking Thai, …… is that they may in fact answer you. No matter how many times I fall into this trap, it’s a lesson that I’ll probably never learn. You smile and tell a stranger that you're very happy to be there and the next minute your being whisked through the homes of total strangers and being introduced as their latest best friend. Don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy this, ….. but having not a single clue about what’s going on around you for hours on end can be a little daunting, …… unless of course a little beer enters the equation, at which point things become a lot more fun and a little less overpowering. I’d spent an afternoon and evening in a small rural village in Northern Thailand, …. it didn’t seem to have a name, it was just referred to as the ‘second’ and slightly ‘smaller’ village. I accidentally became the latest attraction in a community where hospitality was plentiful and Europeans were scarce. I sat outside at the mercy of the rampant mosquitoes on a veranda belonging to relatives of a family that I’d earlier met, and before long a ’revolving door party’ was in full progress. It was dark, the lights were low and the faces of the people soon became little more than beaming smiles. At the instructions of their parents, kids would disappear into the darkness on mopeds clutching 100 Baht notes ($3) and return minutes later with baskets filled with food and beer. I’d seen no shops in either the small or larger villages and I’ve still no idea where they were getting this produce from, but for the price of ‘Happy Meal’, half the population of the village were having an absolute ball. It was a great evening, nobody got drunk but everybody joked, laughed and sang all evening. I ate things that I couldn't identify (and probably wouldn’t want to), I was taken into people’s homes and introduced to whole generations of families living happily together in a way that we in Europe have all but forgotten. It was quite an experience and one that will remain with me for a long time to come.

I was working my way back towards Bangkok and the hope of a painless exit home. The airline offices were not being overly cooperative; telephones remained unanswered and recorded messages claimed that both airports would remain closed until further notice, …. which I knew to be wrong. Eventually I managed to contact a London office who helpfully told me to visit the Bangkok offices in person. Apparently, due to the thousands of stranded tourists it was the only way that any of the airlines could cope and the only way to confirm a return flight to London. And so here I am, back in Bangkok, with ‘Internet’ and five bars of telephone ‘Signal’, avoiding the flesh-pots and anything else that might possibly involve a ‘happy ending’. I’m under strict instructions from my daughter to buy anything carrying the name ’Converse’, ….. but I’m dyslexic and this is the land of the often misspelled fake, .. ’chok dee Hannah, .... chok dee’. It looks like I’m confirmed on a flight arriving in London in the early hours of Friday morning, … exactly one week overdue. Unfortunately it’s not exactly a ‘direct’ flight, ….. ‘indirect’ would also be a gross misrepresentation, ….. but as long as each leg arrives and departs on schedule, and all prospective airports are actually open, …. I’ll be a very happy man.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 205: Khon Kaen, North Eastern Thailand

It's Wednesday 3rd of December and the Thai Courts have decided that the Government Leaders are all guilty of election fraud and have banned them from office for the next five years. A new Prime Minister will be appointed within the week and the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD) are abandoning their airport protests in Bangkok. Flights are due to resume from midnight on Thursday, ....... but chaos and confusion are expected, ...... welcome to my world.

The bad news is that my airline are refusing to answer their telephone. I contacted their offices in London and Abu Dhabi and was informed that I must make contact with the local office in Bangkok. I've invested in a local Sim Card and spent all day calling their offices. When eventually they answer the telephone, the receiver is picked up and then instantly replaced. I'm trying to reschedule my return flight, ...... I'll let you know what happens but I might be late home.

The disgruntled Europeans who've plagued my ordinarily happy nature have at last vacated the hotel. This means that I can now enter and leave this fine establishment without having to hide behind baggage trolley's and potted plants, ... small mercies. In Khon Kaen, I'm eating like a king and spending like a pauper, ... which is a great combination. You really should try it sometime, but perhaps not in England, you'll just poison yourself. My taste buds are gradually re-acclimatising themselves to spicy food and I've been reintroduced to the awesome power of the tiny red chili. This is good news, ..... it's not much fun having a street full of smiling people watching the 'farang' take his first mouthful of 'Phet Food', no doubt hoping that the inevitable comedy moment will follow. Whilst I like to spread a little humour, I hate to suffer for my art. It's just as well that my taste buds have acclimatised, ..... I'm dining out with a young lady tonight and I'd like to avoid embarrassing myself on the first course. If my memory serves me well, .... I think that this evening's rendezvous used to be known as a 'Date', but the last time that I had one of those we were eating lark's tongue pies washed down with tankards of ale and mead. I've even gone out and bought myself a proper shirt for the occasion, .... it has buttons and everything, .... so wish me luck.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 204: Khon Kaen, North Eastern Thailand

Sometimes for no apparent reason, things simply ‘Happen’. Plan as much or as little as you like, dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t’, but always be aware that the spanner of fortune; good, bad or indifferent, will inevitably have the final word. There’s not a single thing that you can do about it, fortune is the immoveable object, …. so just sit back, do what little you can and let the rest just simply wash over you.

Each day I have to check in the mirror to make sure that I don’t have ‘Information Desk’ tattooed across my forehead, …… people just seem to come to me for their travel advice. I’m staying in a decent hotel, $19 per night and every facility that you couple possibly imagine, … and then some that you couldn’t, but save for a few stranded tourists, it’s practically empty. I’m here by choice and thoroughly enjoying every minute, …. but it seems that as usual, I’m in a minority of one. European’s here are frantically contacting their respective Airlines and waxing diffidently over the lack of accurate information, they’re becoming stressed beyond reason and pointing the finger of blame in every possible direction. They ask me when the airports will open, they ask me when BA and Thai Airways will resume their normal operations, ….. they’re frustrated with the uncertainty and lack of definitive answers. I tell them that I simply don’t know, perhaps they see that I honestly don’t care, …… after this many miles on a motorbike if my balls had been made from crystal they’d have shattered a very long time ago. ’Listen People, …… the Airports are closed and it’s not British Airways fault. Sit it out or jump on a bus, …. the choice is yours to make, ….. but in the meantime, please stop pi**ing on my pavement, I don’t have the answers that your looking for and I’m certainly not coming to your pity party’.

Anyway, …… I’ve reached the Northern Thai City of Khon Kaen, a few inconvenient days later than I’d planned, but I’m here now and that’s the most important thing. Initially it had been my intention to travel here, do what needed to be done and then to return swiftly to England without revealing the true purpose of the trip. That’s going to be difficult, … it looks as though I’ll be here for a little longer than anticipated, …. but please don’t weep for me, … I think I’ll survive the experience.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that while I need to work and earn money, the desire to keep travelling burns ever stronger, ….. to this end, for the past two months I’ve been making tentative inquiries in general areas of interest. Following the unforeseen offer of a free flight, the first plan was to come to Thailand and explore the possibility of a new journey, ‘Poor Circulation South East Asia’: Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia. On similar lines to ‘Poor Circulation RTW’ but with a little more support by way of funding in exchange for writing, …. and this time raising money for a local charity network providing safe shelter and education for street orphans. This is the plan that’s taking shape now, the above mentioned ‘Spanner of Fortune’ will determine it’s success, …… but I’ll keep you informed of any progress. To date, …… Nil.

So with time to kill in what I firmly believe to be the worlds most amazing and vibrant country, I went to dinner with my new friends, a group of eight teachers from the Kranuan Community & Industrial College. ’Oat’, the English Teacher to my right translated those parts of the conversation that he deemed suitable for my ears, whilst ’Tassaneeya’ to my left kept my heart pounding all evening with her stunning smile and eyelashes that could bridge a small stream. Perhaps she was flirting, perhaps I was living in a dream-world, ….. or perhaps she's just quintessentially ’Thai’, .... but I was just thankful to be there. It was a memorable evening, we ate alfresco beneath a smiling moon, the likes of which none of us had ever witnessed, the restaurant was filled with laughter and the ’sing-song’ chatter of the Thai language. I understood little of what was said, perhaps a lot of the laughter was at my expense, ….. but with everything that’s going on in this beautiful country, it’s refreshing to know that the people remain unchanged; warm, open, friendly and amazingly fine hosts.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 203: Bangkok, Heading North

Monchit Bus Terminal in Northern Bangkok is always busy, ... even at 7am on a Sunday morning when the rest of the City had been silently waking to a beautiful sunny day of uncertainty, .... this place was still a heaving mass of happy humanity.

I'd expected many more expats to be there but I saw few 'Farang' in the crowds. The buses North to Khon Kaen were running frequently and the tickets were thankfully cheap. Along with a broad cross-section of Bangkok's society, I boarded the freshly decorated 'Magna' inspired coach and took a seat ready for the six hour journey. Before even introducing myself to the nearest neighbours, ..... I was asleep. Six hours later, I thought I'd woken in the busy City of Khon Kaen, ....... except I hadn't.

I looked at my watch, less than a single hour had passed and we were stationary at the side of the main road, the air conditioning was silent and a smell of acrid smoke lingered in the air around me. We'd broken down, ...... a replacement bus would be with us within 2 hours, possibly 3 at the most. On the grass verge, avoiding speeding mopeds and Green Vipers, I chatted with three other's who were heading to Khon Kaen, ... the verdict was unanimous, ........ 'Taxi'.

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas