Post 279: Nakhom Ratchasima .... Fort Suranaree

After three nights of free living with Aeg’s parents on Fort Suranaree in Nakhom Ratchasima, I just have to move on. It’s not the lack of a recognisable bathroom, the outside kitchen, the swarms of mosquito or even my embarrassment at the level of hospitality being thrown at me. No, all of these I can easily live with. It’s ‘Boney M’ that’s getting to me. Perhaps they want me to feel more at home, perhaps it’s the only C90 Cassette Tape that they have, but trust me people, if I hear ''Ra Ra'' frigging ''Rasputin'' one more time, then there will be violence. I have to go, but it’s certainly been an interesting few days.

Aeg and his wife Ning have returned to Sattahip and his father seems to be an NCO in the army here, but never seems to go to work. I’ve seen his uniform and a hundred photographs of him proudly wearing it dotted around their humble home, but I haven’t seen him actually go and do any real 'Army Work'. I don’t necessarily mean anything that involves shooting people, I just mean anything that might possibly have some connection to defending his own Country or invading a neighbouring one. Also, their home here on the base is really quite 'humble', but I’ve seen the properties that they own down in Sattahip and 'humble' they are certainly not. What’s going on here? He does run the Base Golf Club, but I think that’s more of a voluntary thing and I get the distinct impression that Aeg‘s father is really the ''Sgt. Bilko'' figure around here. He has lists, lists of everything in every pocket. People come and ask him something and he writes it down on a list. Somebody calls at the house, a package changes hands and an item is removed from a different list. His wife, and one day I will discover their names, seems to do the cooking and cleaning, but as ’meal-times’ never seem to end around here, then she’s probably the busiest person on the entire base. It also means that I’ve been eating some very interesting dishes. ‘Tak-a-tan’ is the grasshopper that makes the ‘clicking’ sound at night, like a giant cricket. ''Very Tasty'' when asked, avoided when nobody is looking.

Thanks to the efforts of this family, my toe is now on the mend. I’ve been visiting the Fort Suranaree Hospital and I believe, using a false ID card. How the hell they mistake me for a Thai National is beyond me, but I suspect that it probably has something to do with Sgt. Bilko and his seemingly endless influence in these parts. It really does remind me of spending time with Roman and Slava in Volgograd. Another reminder of Russia is that I’m the only person without a gun around here. Mind you, this is a Military Base and Volgograd wasn’t.

The families live-at-home daughter, Aporn, is an artist and runs a commercial art business from the house. Everybody seems to get involved in this thriving business, even me. Yesterday I was trimming canvases ready for some huge children’s painting party to be held at the weekend. They seemed to revel in the fact that a 'Farang' was helping them and I had to sit at the front of the house and trim away at canvases for hours. I honestly didn’t mind. They kept bringing me ice cold Chang beer and over the course of several hours, many of Aporn’s unmarried girlfriends seemed to pass by the house and spend far too much of their day just staring at me. It’s not everyday that I get stared at long and hard by any quantity of attractive single females and it’s certainly not a complaint, just another observation from a very grateful man.

Anyway, my point is that for the interests of my own long-term sanity, I had to leave Fort Suranaree quickly. I borrowed Aporn’s aging ‘Yamaha Fresh II’ and rode around Nakhom Ratchasima for hours. I didn’t really see anything that resembled a hotel capable of meeting my budgetary requirements, but of course I was looking in all of the wrong places. Within minutes of staring defeat in the face, I’m inspecting a more than respectable room organised by Aporn. It’s only a few minutes walk away from the centre of town and they call it an ‘Apartel‘. It’s a Hotel but without the Room Service and the linen will only be changed every 72 hours. At 140 THB per day, it works out at just under £3 per night if I book for a week. I double check the price and my maths ……. mai pen rai

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Post 278: Racing in Korat

The best things in life seem to happen by chance. I was riding my Suzuki Hayate down to the Night Market in Korat for some late night dining, when I saw a group of larger bikes parked at the side of the road. I turned around, parked alongside them and within ten minutes, I’d been invited to attend the ‘’Korat 80 Up’’ Race meeting at the weekend.

I arrived early. Firstly because the air is cooler in the early morning and secondly, so that any personal embarrassment would be minimised. It was instantly clear that my normal daily riding attire was all wrong. The ACU don’t officiate here in Korat, but they still have certain standards to maintain. Flip-Flops and shorts were not going to pass muster and everybody seemed to think that my beautiful helmet was something of a joke.

Nothing seemed to fit, including the bike, which I think might once have been a Honda Nova. Whatever it had once been, it now sported the number ‘88’ a rather dashing ‘Repsol’ sticker. I wanted to try out a crazy bike like this and I was good to go. A couple of minutes taught me a couple of things. Firstly, skinny tyres feel very different to fat sticky racing rubber and secondly, if you slow down on a bike of this size then you’ll never get back up to speed again. Back in the pit-lane, a few very important adjustments were required. I shuffled through the electronic memory, ‘H’, ‘J’, ‘K’ ... Kaiser Chiefs? .. No ….. King’s of Leon? … Yes, they’ll do rather nicely...... ''Hot as a fever ….. rattling bones … I can just taste it … taste it … if it’s not forever ... if it’s just tonight …. Oh we’re still the greatest … the greatest ..... the greatest ….''

To be brutally honest, Sex on Fire might help to smooth out my lines, but it was going to take more than decent music to transform me from Twat to Triumph. Even just sitting on the bike you could see that I was Crap with a capital ’C’. Riding a 600 Supersport is one thing but this kind of racing is in a league of it‘s own. On a bigger bike, a little know-how and a handful of power will cover up for a multitude of sins, but on a 110cc Scooter you’ve got absolutely nowhere to hide. Style is everything, and style is the one thing that I simply don’t have … you’ve seen the photographs.

‘Korat 80 Up’ is all about racing for bikes with engines larger than 80cc. The circuit used today was a Go-Kart Circuit and is very similar to Three Sisters up the North West of England. Too tight and twisty for the 1000cc Superbikes, but ideal for the little guys. Once I’d had the decency to announce my early retirement before racing commenced, I went on to have an absolutely fantastic day. I have no idea how big this type of racing is back in the UK, but if BEMSEE are looking for a new item for their menu, then they could do an awful lot worse than this.

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Post 277: To Korat

The memorial service for the Rear Admiral was actually quite a happy affair. It was held in the Temple where six monks conducted the service and six more appeared as soon as the food was served. Everybody got fed, everybody had a good time and according to local beliefs, the recently departed will be back amongst us soon enough. The Thai’s don’t view death in the same ‘Permanent’ way that we do in the West. For Thai's, death is more of a transition into the next and hopefully better existence. I’d like to say that I believed as they do, but sadly I don’t. When my three score years and ten are up, I’m afraid that ‘permanent’ will be a very appropriate word to use. After a few short days I'm really quite sad to be leaving Sattahip, but it's not really as if I'm actually leaving, I'm just being passed onto a different branch of a family who‘s surname I still didn‘t know.

After just six hours in the back of a Mitsubishi Pick-up truck, of which only five hours and fifty minutes were uncomfortable, I've arrived in Korat. As Thailand’s 2nd largest City I’m surprised that I’ve never been here before, but then Korat is only really famous for being anonymous. I’ve past through here several times on my way to and from Khon Kaen, but this will be the first time that I’ve ever stopped and spent any time here. At first sight it looks like any other large Thai City, but then I notice that something significant is missing. Along the busy shopping streets, of which there are many, I see not one sign that I recognise from the West. No Starbucks. No Boots. No McDonalds. No KFC. No Tesco. No Esso or Shell. Yes, Thailand’s second largest city seems to have avoided the names that now fill most of Thailand's shopping streets and could well turn out to be my kind of place.

On the journey up here, I discovered that one of the reasons for my ’volunteering’ to come to Korat, was to attend the funeral service of a young lad who yesterday died from cancer. He was 13 years of age and from what I can understand, loved motorcycles. I didn’t know him and being invited to what in the West are such personal and intimate family gatherings feels a little bit weird, but I’ll go with the flow and see what happens…. mai pen rai

It’s late when we arrive in Korat. Nobody has really thought about hotels and so I’m taken to the family home on an Army Base in the middle of Korat. In the outdoor kitchen, the women folk cook a meal of sticky rice and fish bought back in Sattahip and us men folk wash it down with bottles of Chang beer. I’m shown to a large room with three giant floor fans. It is to be my bedroom for the night. I know that it’s the biggest and best room in the house. I have no idea where everyone else is sleeping but I somehow get the feeling that when it comes to the sleeping arrangements for tonight, I’ve been given the cream. I feel guilty, but then after six hours in the back of a truck on Thai roads, guilt only goes so deep.

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Post 276: Back to Sattahip

All good things must come to an end, and Koh Chang had been a very good thing indeed. I’ve loved my week there and I’m sad to leave it behind me, but leave it behind I must.

My Thai isn’t great, but from what I can make out, we’re waiting for two more people to join us. It’s a Japanese Mini-Bus, designed for 14 and there are 12 already aboard. Two more shouldn’t be a problem, and if nobody had any luggage then they wouldn’t be. But we all have luggage, and it is a problem. Tempers are beginning to flare, we’ve already missed the intended ferry back to the mainland, the air conditioning isn’t working and next time folks, please advise me to do ’Rich Circulation’. I’ve saved a couple of quid by booking the cheapest means of getting from Koh Chang to Sattahip, but this is going to knock years off my life. What a month I chose to stop bloody smoking, and I’ve just used my last nicotine patch …. mai pen rai.

I must have fallen asleep and I’ve woken up in the town of Jontiem, just South of Pattaya. I fall out of the bus and grab my luggage from the bottom of the pile. The rest of the good folks are heading for Pattaya and I’m left at the side of the road with a smile, a telephone number and the slim hope that when people tell you to ’Call’ if you’re ever in town, that they actually mean it.


An hour later, Aeg arrives in his Mitsubishi along with his wife and a welcoming smile. I can’t stay at his apartment on the Naval Base, but he’s found me an apparently suitable hotel called the ‘Paradise Ocean View‘. Suitable for what I wonder? For those of you who might remember Roman and Slava from Volgograd back in 2008, well it’s time to meet the outwardly friendlier Thai version. Aeg and his extended network of Family, Friends and Business Associates. It’s a long story and one day I will write a book, or another book, but I’m in Sattahip for the memorial service of a recently departed Rear Admiral who’s name escapes me. Why am I invited? Well, that reason escapes me too. But I’m here and I’ll go with the flow ….. mai pen rai

I’ve settled into the ‘Paradise Ocean View Hotel’, which ironically seems to be one of the few buildings in Sattahip that lacks any kind of Ocean View, and I’ve been taken on a whistle-stop tour of the City. For reasons of security, at least 50% of the tour I can not tell you about. It’s not that I’ll get shot for revealing Thai Naval secrets, it’s just that going ’In’ and ’Out’ of each Naval Base, I was locked in the boot of the vehicle. I’m sure that this wasn’t strictly necessary, but at least the guy’s up front had something to laugh about and I’ve got something to write about.

I’ve met the family of the Rear-Admiral and they do seem to be directly related to Aeg and his family. We went to the fish market somewhere on the coastal road and bought what in Blighty would have cost a small fortune. Oysters that the girl opened in front of us, 5Kg for 150 THB, £3.00. A mountain of fresh whole Crab (which in Thai is unfortunately called ’Poo’ ) at £1 per 2 Kg’s. Squid, Hawaii Lobster, Giant Prawns and a cold box full of Chang Beer and Spy Pink. These are great people that I‘ve found. The things that we are buying are by my standards amazingly cheap, but I’m only expected to pay my share, nothing more, everybody contributes equally.


Back at a house belonging to somebody who isn’t in the car with us, an oil barrel BBQ is lit and the cooking commences. A small team of builders are laying concrete at the side of the house and I sit wondering why they don’t move the wheelbarrow closer to the spot where they’re hand mixing the concrete. The wet mix is shovelled into buckets which are then carried twenty feet before being emptied into the wheelbarrow and pushed to the building site. I should bite my tongue, but I don’t. I move the wheelbarrow and for ten beautiful minutes, an energy sapping element of their already arduous routine has been avoided. It’s thumbs up all around and fifteen minutes later, they’re back to carrying buckets of wet concrete to the wheelbarrow again ….. mai pen rai

I’ve been given a 'Suzuki Swing II' to use during my stay here in Sattahip. It’s clearly an improvement on the older 'Suzuki Swing I' that I never rode, but the only thing that I really notice is that it actually has gears. The buggered toe on my left foot isn’t as happy as the rest of me, but oh how I’ve missed using gears over the past two weeks. It takes some getting used to. Four gears going downwards, nothing on the uplift and seemingly no neutral to worry about. I keep using my heel and toe at exactly the wrong times, but alternatively locking and then smoking the 1 Inch wide tyres is an absolute blast. This thing is a 2-Stroke and I guess around 110cc, but it weighs little more than an oily rag and could probably even put a smile on Jack Dee’s face.

Tomorrow it’s the memorial service and I really don’t know what to expect. I’m sure that it’ll be an experience and afterwards, I’ve been offered a free lift in a pick-up truck some 500 Km to Korat in Central Thailand. I’ve never been to Korat before but Aeg’s family are from that area and his parents have offered to let me stay at their home on an Army Base there. Last night I’d been a little too drunk to ride the Suzuki back to the Paradise Ocean View Hotel and so I’d been given a lift there by a stranger. This morning when I arrived down in reception, the pick-up truck was waiting to collect me. When we arrived at our destination, four kids and three bags of cement had mysteriously appeared in the back. I love this place for it’s unpredictability, and for exactly the same reason, I hate it. However, the best thing about not having a plan, is not having a plan. I can basically say ’Yes’ or ’No’ to anything on a daily basis, and if the mood takes me, I can later change my mind. This morning, the newly laid concrete path was being lifted again. They’d concreted over the drains ….. mai pen rai

www.justgiving.com/geoffgthomas

Post 275: Koh Chang

.... big red sunsets, smiling new moons .... endless white sand beaches and fire dancing at midnight

................. Koh Chang really needs no words from me ... I'd only disturb the beautiful silence

...... the roads are spectacular but beware ..... they bite back .....

...... and the natural beaches are some of the best that you will find anywhere in the world.

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Post 274: Koh Chang

A week? I can’t have been on Koh Chang for a week? Maybe the calendar’s wrong, it only feels like a couple of days since the gruelling journey to get here finally ended. I guess Koh Chang is one of those rare places in Thailand where you’re much more likely to loose your sense of time than your virginity. I guess that there are places here where a Gentleman my receive his Relish in abundance, but if there are such places then thankfully they’re really very well hidden. Either that, or I’m simply not looking for them, probably both …. mai pen rai

I’m trying to think of things to tell you. Things that have happened that might be of some interest. Well, I broke my toe, the first toe on the left foot. Technically it’s a dislocation of sorts, but the pain is probably the same. The pain wasn’t really as bad as it might have been. I know this to be true because later that night I caught the same toe in a hole in my bed sheet and discovered that the ‘’Worst pain imaginable‘’, is only a temporary accolade. Unfortunately, my ’Travel Insurance’ didn’t commence until two days after the incident and the medical assistance that I sought was therefore quite rudimentary. I was told to put some cream on it, which I did. It didn’t stop the pain, reduce the blackness or even lessen the swelling, but at least it slipped through the torn bed sheets a lot more easily than before.

I’ve been pottering around the Island on my little Honda Click, enjoying the scenery and watching tourists who would never dream of riding a bike at home, kissing the tarmac at every tight bend. Is it the sun? Is it some chemical in the SPF 15 tanning lotion? I’ve no idea, but there’s something about holiday islands that tempts ordinarily sane people into acts of sheer lunacy. It really is quite scary at just how crap some people are at riding these things but it makes it easier to understand why travel insurance is so bloody expensive. I watch them brake when they should be opening the throttle, turning in when they should be running wide and I seem to be the only person on this Island wearing a crash helmet. Did I mention filling up with petrol? Probably not, but you fill up using fuel stored in whiskey bottles and buy your fuel grade according to colour. I’m Orange.





Not content with just this one beautiful Island, I hopped onto a boat at Bang Bao and spent some glorious time on several others. A little snorkelling, diving with some borrowed scuba equipment and too many hours spent under too much sun with too little sun cream. Does life really ever get much better than this? As a man who once resided in the fine County of Essex, Canvey will never seem quite the same again. I’ll tempt you with come pictures another day when I‘ve got more time ….. mai pen rai














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Post 273: Onto Koh Chang

The Island of Koh Chang is just a 25 minute ferry journey away from the bustle of the mainland. On the other hand, if like me you arrive at the wrong ferry terminal, then it’s more like 55 minutes ….. mai pen rai

The West side of Koh Chang seems to be where everything is located. When I say ’everything’, I of course mean everything in a tourist sense of the word. My first stop is Klong Prow Beach, a few kilometres South of the main tourist area of White Sands, but close enough for rental bikes to be available and for budgets not to be broken.

I try three rental bikes from the same vendor. It’s actually a local seafood restaurant but here in Thailand, diversification is everything. The three bikes are all quite recent model Honda Clicks and all for various reasons are accidents just waiting for inconvenient places to happen. The first has a warped front disk making the brake either ’On’ or ’Off’, there’s simply no middle ground. The second has just been serviced and the mechanic has over-tightened the head races making steering virtually impossible. The third has clearly already taken a giant leap of faith and landed heavily on both wheels, wheels that are now buckled to hell and back. To the eye, all three bikes look perfectly clean and usable, but I fear that many wide eyed tourists wont try before they buy …. mai pen rai

I move along the Soi (Street) and at the ’OK Dive Centre’, I find an identical Honda Click. It looks just as clean as the others but after a brief test ride, I declare this one to be fit and proper. The vendor is impressed with my Thai. Not that I can speak Thai, because I really can’t, but She’s impressed that at least I try. I sign the ’Hire Agreement’ and she asks for my Passport. I refuse and she smiles, ’no problem’. Leaving your passport when renting a bike isn’t necessary, but most people simply don’t question it when asked. The bike’s not only good, but it’s also very cheap. 150 THB per day is 50 THB cheaper than Death Trap Central and yes, I do have my own lovely helmet Ma‘am.

How would you describe Koh Chang? Well, I guess that depends on which particular part of Koh Chang your looking at and how expensive your vantage point is. In Thai, Koh means Island and Chang means Elephant, so Koh Chang is the ‘Island of Elephants‘, but I suspect that the only elephants here now are strictly for the amusement of tourists. Around the Island travelling anti-clockwise, there seems to be a mixture of ’One Stop Vacation Resorts’ where the rich are segregated from the poor and then some less expensive ‘Beach Resorts’ for those who’s Rolex watches did not come with lifetime guarantees. For others, like me, there are small huts that you find via advertisements nailed to palm trees.

As you travel further around the Island, the posh hotel complexes seem to vanish just before the road does. Worry not, the tarmac might be gone but the less trodden path continues. The tarmac becomes a single strip of wandering concrete and then turns to gravel. After that, the way forward becomes slightly less certain and you take your pick from numerous sand tracks with hand painted signs nailed to coconut trees. One sing that I particularly like the look of simply says ‘Nice Beach this way’. These non-roads would have the Tiger screaming for mercy, but the little Honda just ploughs on through them. It’s fun, it’s not scary in the least and I just simply can’t stop laughing … mai pen rai.

Along these sandy tracks you find huts that are available for rent. Electricity and ceiling fan, 300 THB per night, or with air conditioning for 500 THB. It reminds me of Koh Samui some twenty-five years ago. Before they built the airport and kicked the living crap out of the place. It’s now ’High Season’ in the more upmarket areas of Koh Chang, but here in Backpacker Ville ….. all year seems to be ’High’ season.

I lounge on the beach wondering what to do next. I’m drinking cold milk from a freshly chopped coconut. Close to the shoreline, sitting on a rickety old wooden bench in the shade of a tall tree, which I must say is a particularly agreeable place to be right now. The first sign on the tree tells me ''{lease Not to Pick Coconuts'' and the other simply ''Beware of Falling Coconuts'' .... now that would be quite ironic …. mai pen rai

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Post 272: South to Sattahip

The road heading south out of Pattaya seemed like the best one to take. I knew that it went to Sattahip and then onwards to Koh Chang, but I wouldn’t be going that far tonight … would I ? A bike shot past me, clip-on bars, single racing seat and a menacing megaphone exhaust. Not a clue what bike it was, but it was travelling twice as fast as me and sounded like a dream. There are an awful lot of bikes on the road tonight. Real bikes, not just scooters or tourist rentals. I keep seeing groups of Harley’s and old Japanese Big 4’s, but by the time I get them in my twist ‘n’ go sights, they’ve usually gone. There must be some sort of bike gathering happening at the weekend. In Pattaya I saw a group of German guy’s wearing leather vests and looking every bit like well groomed weekend Hells Angels. Nothing unusual about that in Pattaya, but perhaps these mustachio dudes were actually here for the bikes. I’ll try and find out what’s happening …. and then probably avoid whatever it is that I find.

I turn away from the main road where I’ve surprised myself by actually keeping up with most of the traffic. I head towards Khao Chee Jan and the giant image of Buddha that clings to the face of a mountain. Mountain? Hill? No idea, but it’s 130 metres tall and was put here to commemorate the King’s Golden Jubilee back in 1996. As a golden outline of Buddha attached to a rock face, it’s probably the best example that I’ve seen, but then again, it’s competing in quite a small and specialized category. I wander around for a while as the sun begins to set. If I’d arrived here an hour or so earlier than I could have walked to the top, but I didn’t and I’ll probably get over it.

Instead of heading back towards the main road and Sattahip, I turn right and head uphill. I could say that something of interest was calling me, and in a way it is. Some kids have been larking around and moved all of the sprinklers from the lawns to the side of the road and created a curtain of water right across it. It’s fun, nobody knows me and I really don’t give a shit. I’m old enough to travel alone but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I ever grew-up.

Refreshed, at the top of the hill I find the ’Silverlake Vineyard‘. Yep, I didn’t know that Thailand had a wine industry either. Sadly, the tasting room is closed but the view of the big red sunset from the top of the hill is quite spectacular. I’ll look out for a bottle of Baan Silverlake next time I’m in a restaurant with a wine list ….. So somebody better remind me at a much later date.

Then, I hear the noise again. A deep burble in the distance, getting closer. I twist ’n’ go and just manage to flag him down before he vanishes into the distance. It’s almost dark and he has no headlight. In fact, he has no lights at all. What he does have though is a bike that’s dressed like an old Manx Norton but beneath it’s skirt sit’s a Yamaha SR400 engine …. Could I possible have a go?

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Post 271: Sanctuary of Truth

Just north of Pattaya on Rachvate Cove Naklua, in 1981, 35 acres of prime ocean front land were purchased and saved from certain vulgarity by an unassuming Thai businessman. The man in question probably gets a mention here and there, but his name I’ve forgotten and that’s probably the way that he wants it. Upon the 35 acres has been built a wooden structure, not a Temple and not a Shrine. It’s a ’Sanctuary’ and until visiting this place, I had absolutely no idea what a sanctuary really was. I now know exactly what one is, it’s this place. Don’t bother looking it up on Wikipedia because that will just confuse you more, just come here and the minute you enter it’s ornately carved wooden gates, you’ll immediately understand.

The Sanctuary isn’t finished, and nor will it ever be complete. It’s a continuous work in progress that reflects the world in which we live, a constantly changing landscape over which we only have a certain amount of control. It shows the relationship between Human Beings and the Universe …. Father, Mother, Earth, Sky, Sun, Moon and Stars. In Eastern philosophies these are the truths of being human, the truths that philosophers had searched for from time immemorial. Now, you’ve probably gathered that I’m a bit of a sucker for all of that ’Truth’ stuff, but here in Naklua, nobody is trying to ram anything down your throat.

The topbox on the Scooter attracts attention, nice attention that’s not from the law. Nobody wants my money, they want me to explore, enjoy and to report only nice things about them. A ticket is produced, a guide summoned and a horse and cart appears for my convenience. I’m red but not because of the already burning sun, red through embarrassment. To decline the offerings would be offensive to them, but to accept them is offensive to me … mai pen rai

The Sanctuary stands on top of a concrete base but everything else is wood. Meticulously carved by an increasing number of artisans who have been retrained in the almost forgotten art of wood carving. The salt air destroys the wood and any metal fastenings rust within five years. It’s a labour of love that‘s never ending and never finished. The attention to detail is stunning but the real joy of this place is in the way that the light plays around the structure. It’s quite surreal and impossible to describe. The uninvited guide wants me to keep on moving but I don’t want to ’look’, I simply want to ’absorb’. I take a million photographs but what’s the point? You need feelographs to get any real hold on this place.

As the tour comes to an end, I wander off into the workshops and talk with the carpenters. I’m invited to try my hand on an actual, but no doubt soon to be hidden, small carving. It makes me feel like a part of the building and one day I’ll return and try to find my tiny contribution. Enough said. If you’re interested then one day you’ll visit this place, and if you’re not then you wont …. mai pen rai.

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Post 270: Pattaya

To be honest, I did recognise that it was a one-way street, I just wasn’t too sure which way. Unfortunately the Bike-Cop sitting at the top of the Soi, knew exactly. He shouted and then started giving chase. He had a standard issue 200cc Boxer and I probably couldn’t out-run him, but as he was fat and pursuing me on foot, I probably should have tried.

It isn’t like getting a tug in Russia, here it’s done with a smile and even the larger fines are peanuts. Ignoring my IDP, he confiscates my UK Driving License, hands me a ticket and points me in the direction of Soi 9 and the main police station. The fact that while he’s writing the ticket most of the two-wheeled traffic if doing exactly what I’d just done means nothing. They’re Thai, and I’m Farang.

In the main police station, I grab a ticket and wait for my number to be called. I’m the only Farang in there and thus probably the only person with more money than excuses. So … no point in keeping me waiting. I hand over 400 THB, £8 in old money, and my ticket is stamped three times, by three different officers, in three different glass cubicles. Back at the scene of my accidental crime, the Bike-Cop is all smiles. I’ve no doubt just fulfilled his daily ticket quota and the rest of the day is his own ... mai pen rai kap

It’s still only 9:00am and Pattaya is still sleeping. Just as well, because when Pattaya wakes up, it’s an absolute shit hole. On the brightside, Scooters here might not be the cheapest in Thailand, but they’re certainly plentiful. For 200 THB, or £4 per day, I’ve picked up an almost brand new Suzuki 125 Hayate. Nope, I’ve never heard of it either, but I have to tell you, it’s a lot more fun than it sounds. Automatic, push-button start then simply twist and go. I’m not used to the set-up and keep applying the back brake every time I reach for the clutch. The brakes are probably fine, but without any engine braking to mention, it feels a little weak in the stopping department. But hell, does this thing go. It flies along in traffic and can turn on a sixpence. After just a day on this thing I can totally understand why ’feet forward’ riding is this years black. My only problem with that is that on a bike, I ride on my toes and not on my arches. It’s a little weird and I have to keep reminding myself that the petrol tank is somewhere beneath my arse and that using a knee to steer the bike is a fruitless and futile exercise.

I’m actually on my way to ’The Sanctuary of Truth’, just to the North of Pattaya in Naklua and then tomorrow down to Koh Chang via Sattahip. I’ve never been to any of these places there before but I’ve heard an awful lot about them and hopefully, they’ll all exceed my expecations. One of the reasons for choosing Pattaya as my first port of call, was not simply because of the availability of Scooters, but to head South and to avoid Tassaneeya who is currently down in Hua Hin on the opposite side of the Gulf with her latest squeeze. Now don't get me wrong, when a former girlfriend acquires a new partner, I'll always be the first to congratulate them, but when the term 'former' is replaced with 'current', I'm not usually so quick with my congratulations. Anyway, the plan of avoidance was good, but an SMS message this morning tells me that She’s changed direction and is currently in Koh Chang. She had no idea that I was going there, so lets just hope that as an Island, it’s a hell of a lot bigger than it looks on the map ... mai pen rai kap.

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